“You’ll never find a better Christmas gift than wine.”
Everybody loves wine, right? And it is a fucking great gift. But sometimes you want to give your loved one something that they can keep longer than the 30 minutes it takes to consume it.
Yes, I do know that some people savour wine (and even cellar it!), but if you want to look thoughtful and creative at Christmas this year, how about you stop judging me and have a look at these other awesome ideas.
You probably know a least one of these people, but whether or not you buy them a Christmas gift will depend on their rating on the wanker scale. You know, from “just a little bit of a douche” to “if they passed out in front of me I would totally draw a penis on their forehead.”
If you’re not worried about pushing their rating up, here are some gifts they will definitely enjoy.
The industry benchmark for Australian Wine – if it’s not in this book, you don’t need to know it.
A book to help them not only wax lyrical about wine, but neuroscience as well. Your call – but they will love it.
Apparently if you’re a fancy fuck like my friend Bron and pour your wine from a decanter, your decanter gets dirty and you need a special brush to clean it.
For the complete beginner
This person loves wine but doesn’t know much about it. Much like us. TBH the best thing you can do is introduce them to your mates the Goonies over here, but of course that is free and very easy so you should probably buy them something as well so they don’t think you’re a lazy tight-arse.
Master Sommelier Richard Betts created a picture book about wine – genius! This book is a lot of fun and breaks everything down so simply that even my three year old knows the difference between an old world and a new world wine. In theory, of course.
This is the new, deluxe version of a book by Madeline Puckette and Justin Hammack that makes it easy for complete beginners to understand the fundamentals of wine. This will answer pretty much any question about wine us beginners could have, in a simple, straightforward and highly visual way.
For the Sparkling Wine lover
Champagne’s expensive right? But you can be thoughtful, unique AND a tight-arse with these:
Bubbles NEVER get boring, but it is fun to mix it up sometimes. One splash of this Tonic Syrup in your Prosecco and presto! – delicious cocktail.
A Sparkling lover always has bubbles cold and ready to go, but sometimes they get a bit excited and forget the snacks. These nuts go perfectly with bubbles, and here’s another little tip – Truffle Salted Macadamias are also about to hit the Golden Whisk website and it doesn’t actually matter what wine they go with because truffles. And salt. And macadamias.
You don’t always have to finish the bottle in one go, you know.
Best. Shirt. Ever.
For the entertainer
You know this person. Their cutlery always matches and their glasses don’t have watermarks. I’m unsure how they do it and I don’t really care so long as they continue to invite me over for dinner (and don’t expect me to repay the favour). To stay in their good books, I will buy them these things:
You can guarantee they won’t have anything like these in their fancy crystal cabinet! These “glasses” are just as perfect for dinner parties as they are for picnics and camping (goodbye plastic!), and can also be used for serving cocktails.
Because who doesn’t want their house to smell like Strawberries and Champagne, or Spiced Shiraz? These are hand-poured in Australia, made with 100% natural, soy wax and yes we are a little bit obsessed with Cellar V.
Just look at it! And there’s a two-glass version too, for half the price.
For the collector
Apparently there are people who build up a collection of wine instead of drinking it immediately?? Here are some gorgeous storage options for that strange person in your life.
Turn their wine collection into a work of art. Australian-designed and made from solid timber and aged steel, this is Cellar V’s best selling wine rack.
Lark and Owl also make stunning wine racks, right here in Perth. With a focus on sustainability, you can also get a custom piece made if you get in quick!
The day drinker
Hey, no judgement here. We do some our best work before the sun goes down! But if you are a regular day drinker you need to make it look classy and possibly disguise it as a picnic.
The second best best thing you can take on a picnic is this folding wine table from Three Birds Do Wine. Yes the first is wine.
See also the copper wine glasses from Cellar V above; or for those times when stealth is required, a Bangle Flask may be in order.
The party animal
We’ve all got one in our lives. The person who won’t stop hanging out the window of the car screaming ‘wooooooooooo’ and potentially showing people their breasts. Solve that problem with the Decjuba Rosé All Day shirt – she’ll never want to take it off.
And every party animal needs a hangover cure. I don’t know if this one really works as I’ve never actually tried it but I found it on the internet so it must be good.
The self care queen
This lady takes the time to look after herself and manages to make you feel like shit because even when she’s wearing a mum bun and activewear she totally rocks it. Actually, we should all be more like her and make the time to look after ourselves… and once you learn that Hunter Lab make bath salts and a body scrub OUT OF PINOT GRAPES – I won’t have to tell you twice. I mean it’s basically like filling your bath tub with wine and soaking in it, except way less wasteful.
Also, you will need a Wine Holder to hold your glass in the bath. I mean, she will. Because this is a Christmas gift post, not a personal wish list. Obviously.
You know this scenario. You’ve gotta buy a gift for some random at work and the only thing you really know about them is that they have a tattoo on their arse and the only reason you know that is because they overdid it on the wine at last years’ Christmas party. But you’re only allowed to spend $10 so try these:
This year’s Christmas party might be a little more G-rated if everyone just sticks to their own drink.
Super cute, work appropriate, and cheap.
Yep, I’ve listed ‘em twice. Nope, not drunk. Just really like these nuts. And also they are cheap.
The one who has everything
This person is such a pain in the arse. “Oh, there’s no point in getting me a gift! If I want something, I just buy it! I have everything I need.”
Yeah, but do you have a wine infused watch? No? Didn’t think so Brandon. The Somm Collection of watches from Analog Watch Co. is pretty fricken’ special. Or how about an oak bottle that ages your wine in a few hours? You know, for when that wine’s tasting just a bit too young?
And there you go! Christmas is sorted. You’re welcome!