Wine cocktails that any lazy dumbass could make
Wine is fucking amazing, but is it even greater when its in a cocktail? Look, to be perfectly honest, I think the answer is no. I’m a purist at heart. But can you make a shit wine taste better? Or an average wine taste probably about the same? And do you feel like a fancy fuck holding a glass containing a small umbrella and precariously balancing several pieces on fruit on the rim? The answer to all of these questions is YES!
I usually steer clear of cocktails at home because it’s just so easy to crack a bottle of wine and have a delicious beverage in hand within seconds – no faffing required. So when we decided we were going to do a post on wine cocktails I had some rules:
- I would not use a cocktail shaker (I don’t nor do I wish to own one)
- The cocktails must be simple (I am not separating eggs and whisking bloody egg whites at 11pm) and
- The cocktails must be quick (I couldn’t afford to spend too long in the kitchen making cocktails and miss all the juicy goss).
In short, I needed an idiot’s guide to wine cocktails. I nailed the idiot brief so well I forgot to buy ice… but I still managed to turn out some pretty bloody drinkable beverages.
*Note: Aficionados will say that cocktails taste better if you use good quality wine. I’m 100% sure they’re right, but I’m not made of money so I went straight to the bargain basket when I sourced wine for these cocktails and I think they taste just fine. And don’t be a stranger to a goon bag – they are awesome in cocktails and means you can make enough for you and your friends. And probably their friends as well.
A classic for a reason. Delicious and ever so easy to make.
- 60ml Aperol
- 90ml Prosecco
- 30ml Soda Water
- Orange slices to garnish
Combine all ingredients, add ice
Shit name but this is my pick of the cocktails, Limoncello is amazaballs. My daughter ate all our blueberries so we added strawberries instead.
- 150ml sparkling wine
- 15ml Limoncello
- Blueberries (or strawberries)
- Lemons slices
- Thyme sprigs to garnish
Combine all ingredients in a chilled wine glass. Stir and top with the thyme sprigs.
Busy Bee Grapefruit
Refreshingly zingy, perfect for summer
- 100ml Sauvignon Blanc
- 15ml soda water
- 15ml fresh lime juice
- 125ml grapefruit juice
- 1 teaspoon honey
- Grapefruit and lime slices to garnish
Combine the lime juice, grapefruit juice and honey in a wine glass. Add ice, then top with Sauvignon Blanc and soda water. Garnish with grapefruit and lime.
I couldn’t find Grapefruit liqueur so just used grapefruit juice, as I’d already bought some for the Busy Bee Grapefuit cocktail. Thrifty, hey?
- 1 bottle Rosé
- 600ml Prosecco
- 250ml Grapefruit liqueur
- 1 pink grapefruit
- Mint sprig
Add the liqueur and Rosé to a large jug with ice and stir well. Pour into individual glasses and top up with a third Prosecco to fill the glass. Rub the rim of the glass with a piece of grapefruit peel, then drop it into the glass with a mint sprig.
This sounds gross, but actually tasted pretty damn good. I couldn’t be arsed making/not actually sure what vanilla syrup is so I just chucked in a couple of drops of vanilla essence = entirely drinkable.
- 60ml Chardonnay
- 30ml dark rum
- 1 dash vanilla syrup
- 15ml pineapple juice
- Lime wedges to serve
Add ingredients to an ice filled shaker. Shake well. Serve in a highball glass with lime wedge.
I couldn’t find Rosé Port so just used white Port. Still tasted good.
- 150ml sparkling Rosé
- 30ml Rosé Port
- Handful raspberries or strawberries
- Mint sprig
Pour the port into the bottom of a champagne flute with a couple of raspberries or strawberries. Gently pour over the sparkling and stir without losing too much fizz. Add a sprig of mint.